All good things must come to an end. Be careful what you wish for. I jinxed it. Insert the expression of your choice. The point is, after singing praises of mid-1980s horror films that I originally disliked, then rewatched and enjoyed, here comes The Return of the Living Dead (1985.) For me, this was the ultimate test… a film so beloved by so many. If I didn’t like it this time, it had to be me.
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The good news is, I didn’t actively dislike it this time. The bad news is, still, I just don’t get it. It’s a good example of why I don’t usually like horror-comedies. Watching it made me realize, I don’t mind horror and comedy when the comedy is organic… coming from the characters and/or the situations. But I do mind horror and comedy when the comedy is forced… coming from exaggerated characters and/or the situations purposely attempting to be funny.
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The Return of the Living Dead forces funny on us instead of letting us discover it naturally; specifically, with googly-eyed zombies popping out of their graves. First of all, some of their bodies are practically skeletons; how have their eyeballs not deteriorated? Is that supposed to be funny? If so, it’s not my sense of humor. Next, are their reactions to the living (“Brains!” and “More brains!”) supposed to sustain humor? Talk about beating a dead zombie…
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Obviously, this aversion comes from me and is based on what I think is funny. There are non-comical elements of The Return of the Living Dead that I like. And, while not laugh-out-loud funny, some of the human dialogue is at least clever. For example, where Frank (James Karen) gets so many skeletons for the warehouse is not the point of a question from new employee Freddy (Thom Mathews.) The point is, where they get so many skeletons with perfect teeth.
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I like the conceit of the film. Events from Night of the Living Dead were based on the true story of a chemical spill in Pittsburgh, but the army made the filmmakers change the facts. Corpses were shipped from the site in air-tight metal barrels, and one ended up at Uneeda Medical Supplies. Colonel Glover (Jonathan Terry) has been on alert for almost 20 years waiting for its location to be discovered…and the fallout if the barrel is opened.
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Of course, the barrel is opened and when a cadaver is revived, the methods taught in zombie movies to destroy them don’t apply in real life. After dismembering the first “zombie,” Frank and Freddy take it across the parking lot to Resurrection Mortuary where Frank’s friend, Ernie (Don Calfa) incinerates it. Little do they know that when the smoke mixes with a sudden storm, a sort of acid rain seeps into the ground, bringing the dead to life.
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What I like most is the explanation for why zombies eat brains. If these monsters have eyes, they may as well be able to talk, even if they exist as the top half of a female body strapped to a table with the bones of her spine wagging like a tail. This particular “1/2 lady corpse” (Cherry Davis) explains that being dead hurts. She can feel herself rotting and eating brains makes the pain go away.
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That’s a horrifying thought and, to me, the most terrifying part of The Return of the Living Dead. We think of death as being a release from pain, but what if we lie in our coffins for eternity hurting? Wouldn’t you do anything you could to ease your misery? Maybe that’s the crux of my issue with the film. There’s nothing funny about that idea. It’s so grim that I can’t possible laugh at it, no matter how googly the eyes of those poor, hungry zombies.
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